The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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