anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did I show you my penis last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
