can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
smell my finger.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
