I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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