I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
