Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
