All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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