I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
