I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
