peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My ATM looks so different sober.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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