this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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