I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
