wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
