do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
