I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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