i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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