if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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