Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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