1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
