wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
