god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
