The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
