we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
