My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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