I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
