how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just found a bag of teeth...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
