Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
