Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
