So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
