you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
