problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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