you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
