...so i touched it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
