I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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