So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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