She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
