My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
