So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
