One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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