you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
