TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
