I think my vagina is haunted
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
