This is not my ceiling
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
