Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
