It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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