You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
