Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think my fart just growled at me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
