We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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