Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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