My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
God, I missed his penis.
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