Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
