She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
